


New Worlds

by lori (zakhad), zakhad



Series: Captain and Counselor, the revised versions [25]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 16:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20028511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zakhad/pseuds/lori, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zakhad/pseuds/zakhad
Summary: Deanna says good bye to her predecessor, as she becomes first officer.





	New Worlds

_Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born._

Anais Nin

I wanted to do this, and yet I didn't want to do this.

The first officer's office is on deck two, a relatively-short walk from the office I used as ship's counselor. I hadn't ever spent a lot of time in it. Will, when he was aboard, either came to my office or we met in Ten Forward. Data has been in it more, but he hasn't used it often either. It was odd that he'd requested that I meet him there, but after arriving at Earth on schedule, he called me, and I left the captain packing for leave to go.

When I entered the small office, Data was standing in front of the desk. I wore the uniform that went with my changed job description -- red of command, beneath the gray and black. 

"It's almost as though we occupy the same job simultaneously," I said with a smile, as we stood together in the office that went with the rank and position. 

"As I have not yet departed and you have handed off your position to Counselor Davidson, that is technically true, however, I did accept another position," Data said, humoring her. "I wanted to congratulate you and to officially turn over this office. I will be departing afterward. I have already met with the captain and all the other senior officers, to say good-bye."

"Data," I protested, shaking my head. 

"I understand," he said softly. "But it is a good-bye. We will always be friends, that is true. But we will not be co-workers. I will miss that very much. Particularly you, Deanna. As you were instrumental in my development as an officer and as a person, I feel that I owe you more than most. I will miss our games of chess, and I hope that you do not take offense if I contact you in the future to ask your advice."

I stepped in to hug him. Already in tears -- but it was Data, how different it would be without him! "If you don't contact me I will be very upset. I'm going to miss you."

The few times I have had occasion to hug him, he hugged me in return tentatively. This time, he was less fearful. I knew he could have crushed me, and he's always been very aware of his strength relative to ours. But he'd improved. A snug tightness of the arms, and I was quickly released. We stood back from each other, hands dropping to our sides, and I smiled at him. 

"I have already seen that departures affect the atmosphere of the ship, particularly on the bridge. Captain Riker's departure was a difficult transition, and Dr. Crusher's had an impact on our sickbay staff -- we had almost a complete turnover of medical staff. But this will be different. I do not believe that you will see as much variance in morale," he said. 

"I wouldn't be too sure about that."

Data's lips twitched, not quite into a smile. "You are well prepared, and if anything you will try too hard to maintain the good reputation of your ship and her captain. I suspect you will require time to settle into the position. To be attentive but not overthink, to be confident but not arrogant."

I couldn't help but laugh. This was a summary of something Will had told Data, before leaving the _Enterprise_. "I will definitely not be arrogant, and if any of us found that distinction difficult it would have been Will. But thanks for the reminder."

"Do you have any suggestions for me? I will be in uncharted territory."

"Isn't that why you wanted to go? Tom is not standard issue, but you know that from talking to him. I don't have much insight into what he's like on his own vessel."

Data smiled. It was impossible to sense his emotions, but I knew he had to have some. "I want to continue our chess game. I have set up a board with a subspace connection to my own." He stepped aside, to reveal the three dimensional chess board on the end of the desk behind him. There was already a single white pawn moved forward one space, on the top level. "It will update daily."

"Thank you," I said, trying once more not to cry. "I hope that you find your new vessel and crew as educational and enjoyable as you wish them to be. It has been a pleasure working with you, Commander."

"It has been very educational and enjoyable to work with you, Commander. And I look forward to our continued friendship. If there is anything that I can do for you in the future, and it is within my abilities and availability to do so, you need only ask. Perhaps... babysitting?"

I hadn't told him we were trying to have a baby yet. While it was not an unusual assumption to think that a newly-married couple might have a child, it was perhaps unusual to think that Captain Picard might. I laughed -- almost hugged him again. He was so dear to me.

I settled for gripping his fingers, briefly. I had noticed long ago that generally people didn't touch him, and had remarked upon it once. Just a comment about the general human need for touch -- the many ways humans had of expressing non-verbally the feelings and desires they had, the nuances of gaze and affect and how even mere friends would use a gesture or touch of the hand. He had spent weeks researching and discussing and cataloging with me those nuances, with all the same diligence he'd had when working on the warp core with Geordi, or untangling a puzzle presented by a new spatial anomaly. And I had merely touched him, in ways that I touched any of my friends, and allowed him to experience it. 

"I will take you up on it someday. I am extremely selective about babysitters, or I will be when I have a child in need of care." I sighed, thinking about all the times on the bridge when he had been so efficiently helpful. And all the other attempts, that had not been so efficient. His experiments with human behavior had at times tried the patience of one or more of his fellow officers. Babysitting -- that would be yet another subroutine to develop. 

"I will look forward to it. You will be a wonderful mother. You were very helpful with Lal," he said, bringing up more memories.

There was nothing that I could say about Lal, and nothing I could say at all without choking -- we had both lost a child, before. Something that left an indelible grief on me. Data never spoke about her any more, and the occasional references to her seemed a tad too distant and dismissive, even for an android who had no emotions. He simply looked me in the eyes -- as he always did. Anxiety did not appear to be anywhere in his program; averting his eyes was not part of his behavior.

"Thank you for everything, Deanna. I will be in touch with you soon."

I watched him turn for the door. I watched him go through it. The lump in my throat didn't let me say anything else.

Once the door closed and I was alone, I took a deep breath, and studied the chess board. I moved the king's bishop to the second tier, and turned to leave the office.

When I reached our quarters, Jean-Luc was changed out of the uniform and waiting on the couch with his duffel on the floor at his feet. "Data just left," I told him, tearing up a little all over again. 

"Yes, he has a starship to staff and get ready for launch."

I sat down with my hands in my lap, looking down at my manicured nails -- the salon had painted them in red, a shade darker than the departmental red of my uniform. After a moment his hand covered mine, as he moved slightly to his left to be closer to me. When I looked at his face, he smiled. Hopeful, concerned, and curious.

As had been the case for weeks, and especially since the wedding, I became aware of what I suspected had been happening for a long time now -- the bond, tying us together in its invisible yet tangible way, setting off emotional vibrations between us. It was impossible to imagine life without him. 

I had been so young, when I came aboard. Now I felt so different -- I had become so much more than I had ever imagined being. I owed that evolution to my friends. And one by one, they were leaving. It was unusual that we had had this opportunity to spend so much time together in this place -- rare to have the opportunity to feel so close to fellow officers -- and at the same time, even though it was a good thing for them to move on and evolve more, I wished we could all stay together. Data's departure meant we were closer still to the complete dissolution of what had been our immediate family. Senior officers, but also close friends -- I had missed Worf, Will, Beverly, and now we would be missing Data. 

I often reframe such situations for clients, because of course there are multiple ways to look at a situation. I also validate that change is difficult and it is possible to embrace the changes as a positive even while you are mourning the losses that come with good changes. This is a difficult thing to do for yourself. All I could feel at the moment was the loss.

Jean-Luc was becoming more concerned, as I seemed unable to speak, or move out of this place of grief.

"I should go change," I said. It struck me that there were so many layers to that statement at the moment -- I had changed, I would still be changing, and more than just the uniform, it was everything that changed. I am a first officer, today. His first officer. Captain Picard's second in command, of the flagship of the Federation, and not the counselor any longer that I believed I would be for the duration of my Starfleet career. I was also Mrs. Picard. And if all went well, I would be a mother.

All these roles were, in each aspect, suddenly overwhelming to me.

His brows drew together slightly. "Cygne?"

"I'm going to miss him so much," I said, deflecting with the present rather than digging any deeper. 

He blinked, and I could sense that he suspected there was more to it than that. But he nodded and let me choose the deflection. "I will as well -- but I also look forward to seeing him excel in his new posting. And there are also so many other things that I look forward to, including some time away with you. I found a room for us, in San Francisco. Don't forget a uniform -- we have that meeting with the admiral in the morning."

"I know. I expect we'll have to let her warn us about worst case scenarios before we can move on with our lives." Now he was frowning slightly. "The redundancy is necessary, I understand, but it is somewhat frustrating when one of them restates the obvious."

"Yes. I'm taking a book to read, but given the open-ended nature of the leave, I suspect I may not have time to read much." The concern was dwindling, replaced by a sly smile. "Especially if you decide to distract me?"

"That is in fact my plan. I'm also taking a medical tricorder."

He chuckled, seeing where I was going. "Anxious, I see."

"Anticipatory anxiety, and saving us the bother of finding a doctor to resolve curiosity. Practicality at work." I hadn't been on birth control since the wedding, and the longer I failed to be pregnant, the more anxious I was. Telling myself the practical truth did no good whatsoever. It would happen, or it wouldn't, and there were no medical reasons for it not to happen, but pregnancy was eluding us for some reason. I had almost suggested accelerating the process with medical intervention, but kept telling myself to wait. 

"I appreciate the pragmatic approach. I also appreciate the uniform, but would appreciate it more if -- "

"All right -- your impatience is noted, and also -- I have never seen you so excited about taking leave," I said, rising from the couch to head in to change out of the uniform. He hadn't even been this excited about going to the last archaeological project on Zanzibar, and that had been distracting. 

Jean-Luc stood up with me, and radiated happiness in a way I hadn't seen since the wedding. "I keep wondering but am unable to feel any trepidation -- I'm happy. And not wanting to do anything but spend time with you is perhaps a temporary state, but...."

"Let's go," I said, matching his happy grin with one of my own. The bond agreed, and he caught my hand, heading into the bedroom with me.


End file.
